Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Trial of Life

I have hard time quieting and focusing during my meditation, I thought I am losing it. Since November of 2005, I stopped to have any insight and inner experiences during or after meditation. Because my morning meditation is not working so I compensate it by doing it rigorously during lunch hour.

In spite of not having any mystical experience, I am still upbeat, happy and positive as I slowly and deliberately walking my path. As I mentioned on previous posting, I have what most people will agree a nightmarish home life recently due to the accusation and anger toward the decision I made more than 15 years ago. I sympathize other people's suffering, but deep down I know that there is a reason for my playing a villain in someone else life. There were lessons to be learned and karma to be paid. No one escapes the immutable law of cause and effect.

In the midst of these trials and tribulations, I hope I have maintained my poise and dignity. I simply refuse to play a role of victim. I know that I have made a choice long ago that lead to the current state of affair. I am responsible and no one else. I have assimilated Jonathan Parker's teaching in most areas of my life. I have learned the truth and nature of our being. The wisdom, knowledge and experience that I have tugged under my consciousness hopefully will enable me to brave the storm of life graciously.