Saturday, April 29, 2006

Exploring the concept of free will

We all have been reminded that we have free will when come to making simplest decision from whether to eat hamburger or chicken salad to where do we go for next year's vacation. Metaphysically, the esoteric teaching always said that the choice we made can shape and change our future destiny. It sounds so simple and straight forward, as long as I make a good choice. But the truth is free will is never that innocently simple.

What made of me entirely different than you in temperament, in looks, in attitude, in aptitude, in intellect, likes and dislikes and prejudices actually came from our subconscious mind tirelessly working 24 hours a day behind the closed door. We, as a conscious being really do not have much to say in a grand scheme of things that we call destiny. If we can really choose what we really want to do in any given moment, 99% of our world population will be happy campers, we will be living in a planet of bliss and contentment.

Given the theory or reality of reincarnation in conjunction with our evolutionary path in entire human history, we knew that history of mankind was full of turmoil, conflict, deceit and bloodshed. Honestly, we did not have very glorious past. If history is made out of actions inspired by our collective mind, then our collective past is pretty shady.

There lies the truth of our free will. The free will surfaced in our conscisous mind actually are reflections consist of many past unresolved issues from our imperfect incarnations, our upbringing, our preconceived notion of who we are, and most importantly our self worth and self value. You see, there are may be hundreds of agendas that our subconscious mind keep tabs on. Some are more urgent for the time being so they manifest in our current situation, others are dormant just waiting for the perfect timing to raise its head.

I remember when I first walked the path of my conscious spiritual evolution, for the first three years, I had many beautiful inner world experiences . There seemed to be no issues, everything was working beautifully. I thought I could reach enlightenment in five years.

Then came the crushy dark night of the soul. Suddenly three years ago and still on-going, I am confronted with the consequences of decision I made in earlier life. My failed marriage, my divorce, all the un-foreseen complications due to that single decision surfaced and erupted with an uproar. I have endured and tried to patch things up all along in no avail. Just about two weeks ago, I started to realize that I am living in the midst divine law of Karma in action. Although Karma does not imply any goodness or badness, but one still needs to take the consequence either way.

All the complications that came with the decision that I made fifteen years ago were not apparent to me. I was not deliberately set things up in any particular way, but it ended up hurting other people in ways that I would have reversed the course in a heart beat if the consequences were known to me. The past is alive and well, living deep within my psyche and just waiting the right moment to uprise. Is there any indication of my free will in charge here?

What I am experiencing is the stored-up past actions catching up with me which was dormant for the last fifteen years, yes, it is the law of Karma thrusting right in front of my face. There were times that all hell broke loose, and there was not even a tiny speck of light at the end of the tunnel. Fortunately, time passes, life moves on. A roaring wave receded, but deep down I know there are many crushy waves are coming. It will be over when it is over.

On the other hand, if I expand my perspective of life to chart a course of all of my incarnations, I might see a graph that is rising and falling ever so slightly life after life. The rising could be inconceivable in one span of time, then it could be conspicuous in a time frame of thousands of years. Our evolution is rising and dipping like a stock chart. As a chartist usually loves to ask, what is the trend?