Final Exam, A Surgeon's Reflections on Mortality - A Book

My impression about doctor was formulated while I was at a very young age. Back in 1950s, trip to a doctor meant a scary injection and stomach churning bitterness of powdered remedy. At the time the cold medicine was not made in such a civilized pill form, to swallow those powdered medicine was dreadful for most of the children my age.

When I was in fourth grade, I developed a kidney disease. For weeks, I went to school feeling tired and exhausted. I normally looked frail and weak, somewhere bordered under nourishment. During those weeks I actually looked a little plump. One day, my elder sister noticed that my hands and feet were swollen, and later I was diagnosed having kidney disease.

I was confined in bed for three months. but was glad to be out of school. During that trying time, I couldn't get up from my bed to do anything, and the only regular food that I had was "To-Fu" with no salt and no seasoning in it, and occasionally I will have a feast of noodle soup my parent ordered from our nearby noodle shop. One time, my parent forgot to tell the shop not to put salt in it, I thought that was the most delicious bowl of noodle that I had ever had. My parents found out later, but it was too late, I ate them all. After my recovery from the illness, I stayed away from "To-Fu" for a very long time. Enough was enough.

I have four siblings, but it seemed that as soon as I was declared sick, I was quarantined and isolated from the rest of the family. During that period, nurse and lice were my constant companions. Since my parent were busy attending our little shop, they arranged a nurse from the hospital to come by and give me injection twice a day in the morning and in the afternoon. After several days of being bored to death, the nurse presence was very much welcomed. I got to chat with her ever so briefly and persuaded her to give me those little used medical glass bottles so that I could play with them later when I got bored and needed something to do to kill time.

The weather where I was brought up was hot and humid especially in summer, it is one of those signature climate of semi-tropical island. I did not remember having my hair washed during those months. My hair was always damp, smelly, and soon my scalp became the perfect residence of lice species. Lice was populated so many in my hair that I could grab hold a bundle of my hair and pulled several of them out easily. Soon, I became a very efficient terminator for lice population. I grabbed hold of them and popped it, a small speck of blood stained in my hand. Believe it or not, this was one of my pastime during those months.

During my illness, I had close encounter with nurses, but with doctor, my impression was that they were always looming larger than life, distant and unapproachable, as if sitting in a pedestal. Whenever they stepped down from that pedestal, there sure was predicament from someone somewhere. Gradually from all these years numerous doctor's visit, each doctor seemed to be a little more human than the previous one.

We tend to look at doctor as a different species, a logical, distant and unemotional bunch, with very little compassion for every day folk. They treat our disease as a matter of factually without lending much psychological and mental support. The truth may be a lot different than our perception.

As I read the book, Final Exam from Pauline Chen, it opened up a vista of understanding of how surgeons are trained. They are miracle workers set out a mission to save life, and yet during the course of their career death would be the inevitable other side of equation of saving life. This book probed into the real dramas of patient and surgeon relationship. Surgeons are human, what the difficult situation they face in their hectic and grueling daily professional life are a lot more crucial, demanding and challenging than our own. I, for one, at least do not need to face death each day.

Deep Meditation - How Does it Feel Like?

Throughout the ages, sages across the boundary of culture, race or nationality often left the mark of their literary wisdom preaching about the effectiveness and necessity of regularly still our mind to reach deeper, eternal part of us for guidance. Meditation is one of the universally affirmed methods of tapping into the wisdom of our god self. As important as it may seem, meditation is also quite elusive and it's not something that we can master in weeks or even years, it is more likely a long and meandering pursuit of lifetimes.

Ever since I have walked the path and committed myself to this process for over six years, I have truly appreciated Dr. Parker's warning about staying on course and knowing that there is no short cut to enlightenment. Starting on the year of 2001, I listened to Dr. Jonathan Parker's "Pathway to Mastership", "Piercing the Illusion" and finished all the "Enlightenment Series" over the course of two years. Most of the meditation in the album is guided by Dr. Parker. Even Dr. Parker stated that guided meditation is not a true meditation, he encouraged us to occasionally break away from guided session and just go on our own.

I was so used to the guided meditation that it was very difficult for me to get going on my own session. It was not until the end of year 2002 that I earnestly started doing it on my own. It was a struggle all along. With four years meditative experience tugged away in my consciousness, I now want to know how the deep meditation feels like? Internet has a lot of information about meditation, but they tell you more about various techniques and many health benefit of meditation, but what I like to know the most is how we supposed to feel in a deep session.

After many months painstaking soul searching, I realized that meditation is an art, and every meditator is an artist blazing their own trail of inspiration and illumination. Each one of us can have as many distinct and individualized experience as of our billions of population entail. There is no right or wrong way to meditate. The only requirement is to still the monkey mind of ours, even that is also negotiable sometimes. I have personally experienced the expanding sensation of energy while my mind was still engaging in very worldly internal dialogue. When that happened, the thought was like thin layered puffy cloud drifting in a vast space of blue sky. The cloud no longer played a dominant role in my consciousness, instead it was just icing on a cake. The sky remained pristine blue!

Become One With the Things I Make - A Story

Today it was warm and I went for a walk. I walked past the place where my father used to live. I thought back to another warm day when I walked this way to visit my father. I was a much younger man, but he was a very wise and old man by then. It was not long after that day before he joined with the Great Spirit. But that morning, I believed he would live forever.

He was sitting at his front door, using an old fashion stick drill to make holes in small seashells he collected when we went on a trip to the beach. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was making necklaces in the old style as gifts for his granddaughters and great-granddaughters from the shells he collected. I looked at him with surprise. The drill he used was a homemade drill made from a stick, and cross bar of wood, some string and a nail. It was just as the ones his father and his grandfather used to make holes in shells so many years ago. It was the same exact type of tool our people had used to drill holes in shells and rocks for generations before the white man came to this land.

I watched as his old and bony hands spun the string tightly around the shaft, then push the cross bar over and over again. Each time he pushed the crossbar, the string unwound and the drill spun. Then he let the crossbar go, and used his old fingers to spin the stick, rewinding the the crossbar up again and then pushing the cross bar down. His old hands did this with such ease that the nail spun on the shell back and forth, making a hole in the center. Still, it was slow and hard work, especially for his old, tired hands.

I pulled up a chair next to him and sat down. I looked at the many shells that were waiting to have a hole drilled in them in a basket by his side. The I looked at the handful that were sitting in another basket with small holes neatly drilled in each. Knowing my Father's habits, I knew he had been working on his drilling since the early morning. After a short time I asked him why he wasn't using a better, more modern drill to make the holes. I suggested he use my modern drill, or even use the old hand crank drill he had in his toolbox. They would both be faster than the old hand made one he was using. My father did not look up from his work. He kept moving the crossbar on his hand made drill as he worked. "This works as well as I need it to," he said.

"But," I argued with him, "There are many ways that would be much quicker."
My father stopped his work and looked at me. "What benefit would quickness be?" he asked me. I didn't understand. I answered him, "You will be done sooner."

My father looked deep in my eyes and said, "This is exactly why I use this drill. Our people have been making this type of drill for hundreds of years. It always works in its own time. I could use a new type of drill and have all these shells drilled and strung by noon. But then what would I do? I am making a gift for my granddaughters and their daughters. I am happy in making these gifts. Making the gifts is as much joy to me as giving gifts. If I were to rush and make them with the tools you suggest, then I would be denying myself the joy that the effort gives me. If I rush, I will not have the time to become one with the things I make."

Though I wanted to, I did not understand him. I thought he was foolish, and maybe even a bit senile for taking all day, may be longer, and putting in such an effort to drill the holes in the shells with an old drill. I believed my nieces and grandnieces wouldn't know the difference anyway.

Not long after that day, my father's spirit joined with the Great Spirit, but not before he had finished the necklaces and gave them to his grandchildren and their daughters. When it came to be time to clean his home, I found, in his personal effects, a small package with my name on it. I opened it up and found a hand made sheathe of leather. The stitching was less than machine perfect, made by my father's brittle old hands. On it was beaded a bird of Thunder and a medicine symbol. Inside the sheathe was a blade of shinning, hand sharpened and polished metal. The handle was made from a deer horn. My name was carved on the base of the handle. Its rough cut and sharped beauty was amazing to behold. When I held the knife, I could feel the spirit and energy of my father in every inch of knife and sheathe. His being and his spirit were in this gift. Inside the sheathe, along with the knife, was a note. My father wrote, in his shaky hand, words that translate to: "My son. Now I am dead. An old piece of metal and a deer horn, like shells on the beach and a piece of string, tie this old man's heart to those he loves."

This day, when I walked past the place where my father lived, I am an old man. I stopped and Looked at the place where my father sat with the old drill and the shells, and I reached to my side to the sheathe and knife my father made which I wear on my belt every day of my life, and I remember him and his wisdom.

----Author, unknown

The narrative in this story is so vivid and lively, I can envision in my mind's eye the balmy conversation between father and son taking place in a spring day on a rugged terrain outside a Tepee.

Surrender and Hear!

Have you ever meditated in public place? When I said in public place, I am referring to sitting in the library, riding on public transportation or just strolling around in your local park, somewhere you can relax and let go of your thought, worldly concern and other mental or emotional preoccupations.

I will close my eyes in an inconspicuous way, and let the sound of environment permeating in my every sense except the sense of sight. I found out that by shutting down the sense of eye sight, I become much more aware of other senses. In particular, the sense of hearing and smelling become more pronounced and heightened.

I have enjoyed several meditative sessions by simply sitting in my local library, closing my eyes and absorbing every instance of sound vibration in the library. I had the feeling of connectedness with whatever I heard. There were the ruffling sound of page turning of the newspaper, the sudden and rhythmic dropping of books to the book shelf, the trotting down the hallway by library patrons, the dancing dialog between the librarian and patrons, the incessant crying of little babies and high pitched voice of little children along with other countless reverberated sound that we normally will label them noises.

By inviting all sound coming into my senses indiscriminately, I was able to enjoy all that I heard. At times it was like a symphony without a conductor. The sound came from any direction, from any variation of sources and most beautifully from a myriad of instruments natural or otherwise.

The Doom of A Palace - A Dream

After 45 minutes of meditation, I laid back to sleep again as part of my morning routine. Since this is Sunday morning, I don't need to hurry preparing for work, so I allow myself a more luxurious no alarm policy for the rest of the morning. I dreamed..

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I resided in a magnificent Palace in the ancient time and was a caretaker of the palace. The palace had nine spacious rooms, each was decorated with many historical artifacts, hand-carved vases from several dynasties and wooden life like Immortal Figurines of sophistication, and each with marble floor of various intriguing pattern design. Interestingly, some of the rooms even had roller coaster rides and motion picture theaters.

This palace was open to public all year around, except one room. Legion had it that there was a menacing evil spirit resided underground of the room in the west side. When the darkness descended and enveloped the city, you can hear a muffled groan emitting down there. I sometimes smelled a sickly, nauseating rotten flesh when approaching near the door. For years, our Imperial Martial Artists of clandestine nature were on guard at all hours. Now finally with the technology, we had devised a plan to eradicate the evil beast for good.

Due to the colossal feature of the demon and its powerful force, we estimated that the battle will be fought in a way that the palace will soon be pulverized and reduced to rubble, but luckily no life will be lost. The date of impending doom of the palace along with the cessation of beast's malicious existence was set as today.

I hurriedly ushered the visitors out of the palace ground from room to room. I approached the room and prepared myself for the onslaught of that sickly smell. I saw the Imperial Guard finalizing the position of our ultimate weapon. I was about to witness the historical significance of the event unfolding... Then I heard a succession of knocking on the door. I was startled, awoke and very much annoyed.
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I got up and open my bedroom door, but there was no one there. Then I peeked down our backyard, and I saw that our next door neighbor was cutting tree branches. Well, I was disappointed of not getting the chance to see the battle.

The interesting part of the dream was its convoluted nature of blending the past with the present. I dreamed of the era of Imperial Oder, and yet there were theaters, roller coasters and a time bomb dotted the dream scenes that were clearly belong to our modern world.

Breaking the Mantra: "It Is in the Gene!"

Lately I read a book called "the Biology of Belief". The title seemed intriguing. How is that our intangible belief has a biological base? As I read on, I found that the concept isn't really new to me.

Ever since Watson, Crick, Wilkins and Rosalind Franklin's discovery of the double-helical structure of DNA in 1950, medical scientists has set out the mission to unravel the secret of life which is contained in our DNA. A gene can be defined as a region of DNA that controls a hereditary characteristic. Many diseases are claimed to be hereditary. If our father or grandfather had high blood pressure, or overly elevated cholesterol level, chances are that we may be prone to the same type of disease they had later in life.

What I have learned from the cutting edge science and other credible cell biologist like Dr. Bruce Lipton conveyed a very different picture of what the role of gene plays in our life. Gene is a blueprint of life, it pretty much determine how you will look from head to toe. As much as I don't like the way I look, I have nothing to say. There was one time I seriously believed that God had made a big mistake constructing me . Well, I thought IT should have at least consulted me first. After all who is the one does all the living?

To tie certain disease to certain gene is utterly overestimating the biological side of us. Our biology does not control our psychology. Scientists have discovered that some people have certain type of cancer gene embedded in the DNA, but somehow they had lived long and healthy life, the gene was dormant and was never activated. Here is the interesting question. How does that particular gene(s) get activated and wreck havoc our health? According to the scientific study, gene controls our biological function, but the other side of equation of invisible realm of psychology, life style, thought, attitude and outlook of life are the major driving force of who we will ultimately become. Since energy and matter is interchangeable and they feed into each other. We can deduct that our thought, belief, attitude and life style can have profound effect to our health down to the molecular and cellular level. Those are the determining factors of whether or not the cancer gene will be activated or stay dormant. The effect of this mindset is not limited to health alone, it can apply to every area of our life.

I thought an analogy will do justice. DNA is like a blueprint, a manuscript of life, it is there sitting in a dusty shelf of our county library. This book is awesome, it contains the secret of life. Whoever gets hold of it, reads it, studies it and applies it will be transformed overnight. To do any good, it takes A person to read the book to realize its potential. The person who does the reading and studying is transmuted, but not the book. Is it really in the gene?

DNA Activation - Did it work?

The year 2004 was a busy year for me. I had read volume of books, acquired some new age programs for my personal growth and also engaged in DNA activation. Several blog readers have asked me about my experience of the activation. They particularly like to know whether or not I have experienced significant improvement after the activation.

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I like to make it clear that this is just my personal experience. My case is by no means a typical one. Please do not quote me in any of your published writing. I have no doubt there may be people out there who received the activation and experienced a phenomenal transformation. Everyone is unique in one's own self developmental discernment.
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At the time, I was like others, overly excited at the prospect of some kind of psychological surgery. Thinking that with 12 strands of DNA fully activated, I will somehow transformed into a very powerful god person in complete command of every area of my life or perhaps even able to exert certain favorable influence towards others. Wouldn't it be nice if that was the result?

I can not deny that it may have had positive effect on my ability to deal with difficult situation for last several years. In the midst of conflict and struggle, I can still somehow maintain a calm composure without losing my head most of the time. But other than that, I don't feel any major improvement in my intuition or my ability to connect with the inner plane. My meditative practice still has its good days as well as its share of down days. The only physical symptom after the activation was that my acne actually came back even while I was (am) in the advancing age. That does not mean that I look younger than before. My appearance looked the same but I felt annoyed with acne breaking out here and there like uncontrollable sparks of wild fire.

DNA activation was not a magic bullet for the ache of the Psyche nor was a panacea for the soul as I thought it would be, at least not for me. It was an illusion. There is no such thing as cure all universal remedy. An evolved and cultivated soul is like a diamond, what we see of its sparkling beauty today was actually formed millions of millions years ago about 100 miles below the earth's surface in the molten rock. It was originally just plain carbon, the most common elements in the world. With the right amount of pressure, heat and eons of time, carbon gradually transformed into diamond. Can you imagine the pressure and stress of 100 miles below in the molten rock of the earth's mantle? It is tremendous!

Let me relate a story: The Butterfly

A man was walking in the park one day, when he came upon a cocoon. He sat and watched for several hours, as a young butterfly struggled to force its body out through a small opening. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. The man took his pocketknife and snipped out a larger opening. The butterfly then emerged easily - but something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body, and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly, because he expected at any moment that the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

But neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the cocoon, and the struggle required for the butterfly to emerge, were natural events. It was nature's way of forcing fluid from the butterfly's body into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives... if we were allowed to go through life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as we could have been. And we never could fly. History has shown us that the most celebrated winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.

Helen Keller, the famous blind author and speaker said: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Silver is purified in fire, and so are we. It is in the most trying times that our real character is shaped, and revealed."

The Boatman and the Philosopher - A Story

One day long ago a certain learned Hindu philosopher who was, theoretically at least, well versed in the four great Hindu Bibles (the Vedas), made arrangements with a boatman to take him across the holy Ganges River in a rowboat.

The proud philosopher, idly wondering how best to pass the time during the crossing, thought of showing off his knowledge to the boatman, so he asked: " Mr. Boatman, have you studied the first Hindu Bible?"

"No Sir, I don't know anything about the first Hindu Bible," the man replied. At this the philosopher looked very wise and pityingly remarked, "Mr. Boatman, I am sorry to say that without some knowledge of the first Hindu Bible, twenty-five percent of your life is as good as lost." The Boatman took his insult quietly and kept on rowing his boat.

They had gone some distance across the Ganges when the arrogant philosopher made further inquiry: "Mr. Boatman, I must ask if you have studied the second Hindu Bible?" The boatman betrayed his annoyance as he replied: "Sir, I tell you definitely that I know nothing about the second Hindu Bible." With cool amusement the philosopher then declared: "I am sorry to tell you then that fifty percent of your life is as good as lost." Still holding his tongue in spite of this further affront, the boatman angrily kept to his work at the oars.

The small craft was nearing the middle of the river, and the wind had become a little strong, when for the third time the Hindu philosopher's eye glinted with superiority. "Mr. Boatman, tell me, have your studied the third Hindu Bible?" The boatman was now in no mood to be trifled with. "I told you before," he said testily, "I don't know anything about the Hindu Bibles." The philosopher then declared in pompous tones. "Mr. Boatman, it is my duty to announce to you that seventy-five percent of your life is as good as lost." The boatman mumbled angrily to himself, and wished with all his heart that this impossible philosopher had found someone else to row him across the river.

Ten minutes had passed in silence, when a sudden storm ripped the veils of the clouds and sprang like a demon over the water of the river, lashing it into furiously excited waves. The boat began to rock like a floating leaf in the tumultuous waves. The pundit shivered and trembled, but the boatman, with a smile of assurance on his face, said: "Mr. philosopher, you have pelted me with questions; now may I ask you one?"

Receiving an affirmative reply, the boatman went on: "Well, Mr. Philosopher, the knower of the four Hindu Bibles, you established that seventy-five percent of my life is lost. Tell me-- do you know how to swim?" To this the scholar tremblingly replied:"No, dear boatman, I cannot swim." With smiling indifference the boatman replied, " I am sorry then to have to declare to you that one hundred percent of you life is soon going to be lost." As if to fulfill his prophecy, a furious gust upset the boat, and the Hindu philosopher was drowned; but the boatman, swimming with powerful strokes, overcame the waves and safely reached the shore.

----Self Realization Fellowship

To Know versus To Believe

With over five years working diligently on inner wisdom development, it is time for me to contemplate of my next stage of growth. With the help from Dr. Parker's tape program of Pathway to Mastership to countless books that I have read over the years, I have sufficiently cleared many false beliefs that were implanted and gathered during hardship and bruises of possibly many lives.

Knowledge is a good thing, but it is the experience that put us into absolute knowing instead of just vague and unsubstantiated belief. I don't believe that we are immortal, I know that we are immortal. It is difficult to convince others buying into your personal unworldly experience. After all, you can't prove anything, at least not with our present material technology. But someday, we all can experience the grand view of our true nature and there will be no need to prove anything.

I am still working on lucid dreaming induction every night even though the success rate is about less than 1%. Often time, I will get back to sleep right after my meditation and found myself fully awake and aware the whole time. As of now, Lucid dream is still beyond reach.

Our conscious portion of the mind is like tip of the iceberg, the sub-conscious mind is the part that is submerged into hundreds of feet under vast ocean. To explore our dream, particularly lucid dream is like deep sea diving into the treasure chest of the gold mine, but for most of us it is more like open up the skeletons in the closet. Subconscious mind could be our best friend or our worst enemy. One of the many ways to learn and understand the hidden part of ourselves is to dream consciously so that the uprising of the issues that lingering in our psyche could be brought into surface, acknowledged and cleared.

Energy and Matter - A Layperson's View

I don't claim to know much about energy, but we know a lot about matter. We live in a physical universe that we enjoy many things including the gorgeous sunset, the mind exhilarating music like one of my favorites, " The Procession of the Noble", the experience of feeling the refreshing raindrops hitting our face, the smell of the aroma of our favorite dishes and savor the eye opening morning coffee. The physical reality is indeed rock solid and absolutely real to our five physical senses.

Then, there is another level of awareness like our nocturnal musing of dream and astral travel when we are supposedly asleep and our body tugged under the comfort of our bed; yet we see and we hear, we travel to places, we visit other dimensions and we converse with others.

However, the ancient mystics of both western and eastern culture had the notion for thousands of years claiming that the matter in the physical universe is illusion but the invisible and unquantifiable mind stuff is paramount important from our evolutionary viewpoint.

Quantum Physics postulated that the very essence of our being, atoms, are made out of vortex of energy that are constantly spinning and vibrating. The picture of balls and the sticks of atoms that we had learned from our physics class is not the true property of atom. The stuff that we call matter is not made out of matter, it is made out of energy. The six-million-dollar question is how does the energy coalesces into matter? So far, it either remains a shrouded mystery for the mankind in spite of our advanced scientific achievement or the topic is just way over my head from my measly understanding of physics. May be it has to do with the vibration and density of the atom? I am not technically proficient to understand the detail of how it works.

The atom exhibits the properties of both wave and particle. Observation coalesces the wave into particle. Thought is also a form of energy, an electric current. If we substitute observation with thought, then the previous sentence will read " Thought coalesces the wave into particle." So, thought with direction and purpose is a driving force of our advanced civilization. Every man-made creation first exist in some one's thought. The concept seems to be basic, but yet profound in a way indicating that our mind is a controller of the matter and event to a certain extent.

Take an example of my night time excursion. I will spiral out of my body and pass through the wall of my room with my physical senses fully intact. I can see and hear. I travel to snow mountain, fly on the expansive ocean or glide over the sandy beach. None of the place was close to home. In a matter of seconds, I will traverse a vast distance to unfamiliar places.

According to my very rudimentary understanding of Quantum Physics, the property of wave is not confined in any space or time. The wave property of the atom is fluid and can travel beyond the speed of light. It could potentially be thousands of miles away in seconds. May be our soul, the essence of who we are, is made of vortex of energy. If that is the case, we can make an assumption that our energy body also has the property of wave that is transcending our current linear concept of space and time. We could potentially travel back to past or move forward to probable future accessing the all encompassing Akashic record.

I admit, without proper scientific training, the science of energy and matter is mostly beyond my intellectual comprehension. This article, like many others, merely extrapolates its profound implication from the viewpoint of a novice trying to make sense of the correlation between science and spirit.

Egyptian Wall Exhibit - A Mind Travel

I woke up from the loud and incessant alarm blaring next to my bed. I felt groggy and tired but I had set an intention for my meditation as a daily ritual. I struggled out of bed, went to bath room and drank some water. After all these, I was sufficiently awake. After forty minutes of meditation focusing on the brow chakra, I laid back to sleep......

The vibration started and off I went floating around my room several times, and then I deliberately urging myself to float out of the room. The scene had changed, I was not outdoor as I always was in the past, I was in a large exhibition hall. The wall was the reflective grayish black tinted with exquisite gold tone. On the four walls were Egyptian art, resembled the ancient historical museum that we sometimes watched on the History or the Discovery channel.

I was marveling at the beautiful life-sized paintings in the room, then I heard a chattering noise , sounded like coming from a radio, piercing the pin drop silence in the museum. I was startled and annoyed, so I floated around trying to find the source. I saw it. It did not look much like a modern radio, it looked more like a black bottle. There was no knob that I could turn it off so I yanked the cap out and the noise stopped. I floated out of the museum and was happy to be outdoor.

It was a countryside with lush forest and green pasture, I floated happily. But my momentum of floating was about to fade, I immediately took a deep breath, like infusing a balloon with air, I floated again. I was quite surprise that it actually helped. I did it several times while I was floating, but then gradually the floating stopped.....

The Last Hope for Malta

My memory of history is vague and tilted toward non existent about WW II. We have learned that "The War" had favorably determined the fate of mankind, was the largest and deadliest conflict involving many nations and decimated a population of sixty two millions worldwide.

Ironically and incidentally, The massive technological advancement of WW II had a great impact on the scientific community and it was for the benefits and enjoyment of many generations to come.

What I indulge myself is one of the great stories of what human equation had played in the Mediterranean front of the war. A small island nation of Malta consisting of seven islands situated in the middle of Mediterranean Sea just south of Italy. These islands had long and interesting history way back since 5200 BC. A small island nation may be, but it had a strategic importance during the WW II. During the war it became one of the most bombed places on earth.

Sam Moses took us back in time to witness how Malta played a crucial role in defeating the Axis Power. Through the courage and bravery of many merchant marines and convoy's concerted effort sailing over treacherous battlefield of Mediterranean Sea , Malta, desperately dependent on outside resources, was saved and was able to turn the tide of war favorably toward Allied. Securing Malta was to prevent the unlimited fuel and oil resources of Middle East to be captured by the German. Hence, the Operation Pedestal was launched and changed the history as a result.

It is interesting to note that history making events are convergence of many seemingly isolated, unrelated bits and pieces of events developing on a unbelievably synchronized time scale. On a hindsight, there seemed to be a set of destiny inherently built into the world events, and it may also be true for the individual for that matter.

I truly enjoy the book, "At All Costs" by Sam Moses. This is the book that educate and entertain as you step back and relive the history.

Elevator Ride - A Dream

I was glad to get a different assignment and out of this boring desk, and was happily walking on all floors delivery some important documents to all department VP. I stepped into the elevator again to the sixth floor.

As soon as the door was open to the sixth floor, I found myself stepping out of the office and into the balcony. That was very odd. I turn a corner and expect a door leading into the office, but there was none. So, I decided to walk around to find the entrance, and finally there was a narrow doorway but it was completely blocked by a huge black pick up truck.

I was wrestling with the idea of how to get back inside. To climb the truck would be useless because there was no room on the top for me to climb down. I decided to climb the back of the truck and peek down the balcony on the fifth floor, hopefully there were smokers that can help me out. Sure enough, there was a gentleman deep in thought and smoking.

I was somewhat excited and yelled my dilemma to him haphazardly saying there was a truck blocking my entrance to the office. But he seemed either not understand my predicament or completely indifferent of my situation. I tried several times and there was no action on his part.

I was hanging on the rear end of the truck, and felt exhausted. And then suddenly I realized that what I was hanging on was not a metal part, but instead a cardboard, and the cardboard was bended down from the stress of my weight. I looked down and started panic knowing there was good 40 feet down to the cement. I could not survive the impact.... The alarm sounded just that moment, I awoke with a start and very glad that it was just a dream.
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So, this was a typical non lucid dream. A dream that everything happened was real to a dreamer. If I had been lucid, I could let go of the hanging and let myself fall and know full well that nothing can hurt me, or if I were bold and adventurous, I would fly and out to the sky and visit Himalaya mountain. Well, I was disappointed of myself for not being lucid and taking control. I suspect it will be a long journey till that day.

Reincarnation

For several years now, I must have read a little less than a dozen books regarding cases about reincarnation. The most famous researcher of the subject, Dr. Ian Stevenson, had collected minute detailed evidences around the world, most of them were from Eastern Religious countries. His intention was not to prove or disprove the existence of reincarnation, his was to use rigorous scientific method to gather data to explore the paranormal phenomenon such as reincarnation.

Although I have no personal knowledge or experience about reincarnation either from family, friends or colleagues, I would not discount the possibility of its existence given many volumes of books detailing the incredible synchronicity even the best novels would be pale in comparison in its plot and intricacy.

Have you ever had a sense of Deja Vu? I remember when I was only five or six years old, sometimes, I would be playing intensely and suddenly I would look around the house, sky or just some building structure like a column, I would have a vague sense of familiarity, like I had been there before. Usually this could happen to young children since they have just freshly arrived from the other side. They have still retained not too distant memory of their past life.

For the western religion of Judeo-Christianity, the reincarnation used to be considered a devil's act, the concept was clearly rejected. But I suspect with the global infusion of knowledge and wisdom from the Eastern philosophy, the idea is gradually being accepted if not in your local churches but at least for family and friends who have been intimately affected by its occurrences.

Reincarnation holds the notion that some essential part of a living being can survive death in some form, with its integrity partly or wholly retained, to be reborn into a new body.

The book that I read recently about reincarnation is "Return From Heaven" from Carol Bowman. The stories are engrossing and fascinating. Whether you believe it or not, there are some good books out there for the subject if you are interested in making your own judgement and conclusion. May be you just want to entertain yourself with this wild idea.

Battle In A Cave - A Dream

Since last night was a Friday night, I allow myself a more relaxed sleeping pattern. I still got up 5:00 am in the morning for my meditation, but I intended to meditate for as long as I could hold my focus. But I got around it by 6:10 am, not a good record. I stretched refreshingly after the meditation and read several verses of Lucid Dreaming book and set my intention for practicing Wake-Induced Lucid Dream technique.

It took me quite some time before I got to the hypnagogic state. There were ever- changing geometric patterns, all shapes and sizes of color images dancing before my closed eyes.

Then, all of the sudden I was in a cave witnessing the unfolding of the most unusual scenario. I heard explosive grenade blasting all over the place, loud and unrelenting machine guns firing. There were soldiers falling after the blast, shouting and commanding voices from all sides. The sight and sound were very real and intense. After a while gradually the fighting frenzy subsided and all pervading sound stopped! I woke up feeling incredulous of such a strange battle episode.

A Simple Joy

I was driving home tonight with this beautiful piano piece swirling graciously in my car stereo streaming from Southern California Classical Station 105.1. I was enjoying the music and suddenly I looked up to the sky in the east, and there it was, a huge glittering, shining full moon with its incredible glow. It looked like it was just quietly observing a river of night lights of traffic buzzing below.

If moon were conscious and aware, what would be its impression of human and earth? I am sure it will enjoy our beautiful night sky at Las Vegas, the awesome Eiffel Tower in Paris or the mysterious Aurora Borealis in Alaska. We can also be sure moon has visited many hundreds of earth's magnificent mountains, cities and oceans.

It is hard to imagine such a beautiful moon of ours is a barren land devoid of life. The piano piece ended and the freeway exit was near....

Carl Sagan - The Existence of God

A person asked Carl Sagan: Is it Likely that science will one day come upon a demonstration of the existence of God?"

Carl Sagan: The answer depends very much on what we mean by God. The word "god" is used to cover a vast multitude of mutually exclusive ideas. And the distinctions are, I believe in some cases, intentionally fuzzed so that no one will be offended that people are not talking about their god.

But let me give a sense of two poles of the definition of God. One is the view of, say, Spinoza or Einstein, which is more or less God as the sum total of the laws of physics. Now, it would be foolish to deny that there are laws of physics. If that's what we mean by God, then surely God exists. All we have to do is watch the apple drop.

Newtonian gravitation works throughout the entire universe. We could have imagined a universe in which the laws of nature were restricted to only a small portion of space or time. That does not seem to be the case. And Newtonian Gravitation is one example, but quantum mechanics is another. We can look at the spectra of distant galaxies and see that the same laws of quantum mechanics apply there as here. So that is itself a deep and extraordinary fact: that the laws of nature exist and that they are the same everywhere. So, if that is what you mean by God, then I would say that we already have excellent evidence that God exists.

But now take the opposite pole: the concept of God as an outsize male with a long white beard, sitting in a throne in the sky and tallying the fall of every sparrow. Now, for that kind of god I maintain there is no evidence. And while I'm open to suggestions of evidence for that kind of god, I personally am dubious that there will be powerful evidence for such a god not only in the near future but even in the distant future. And the two examples I've given you are hardly the full range of ideas that people mean when they use the word "god".

---The Varieties of Scientific Experience

• What is your take of the idea of "god" ?

Critical Thinking Faculty

I followed the same routine as yesterday. After I went back to sleep at 6:15 am. I had several stand along images or episodes that were clearly meant to challenge my ability to recognize the dream signs that were so obvious if I stayed awake and aware!

• A little baby that I was taking care of. I was not sure who he was. I thought my child has grown up. It was not possible that I had to take care of such a small baby. But the more urgent matter was that the baby had bloated stomach so large that it looked scary. I thought, well whoever he is, he need to be taken to hospital right away!

• I heard so loudly the distinct Chinese New Year celebration marching band ringing in my ear, it was exactly what I heard from my childhood memory. I tried to turn to find out where was the source of the band, but I found my self having sleep paralysis, I couldn't move....

• An image of a person wearing full armored navy uniform, he looked quite handsome, except there were two ugly, grayish torn boots stacked on the top of his otherwise impeccably snow-white navy cap...

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In the dream, I had certain suspicion of the first episode, but my doubt was interrupted by the appearance of the sick baby. Even with the last episode, the boots were obviously out of place, I failed to realize that I was in a dream. Apparently, I got a lot more work to do!

Travel to Ancient Stone Houses - A Dream

I somehow negotiated a better house for myself. We (our family) went out inspecting the house. It was a two-story house, with spacious room, and it looked really nice. But the whole house had carpeted floor, and I remembered my house was pergo floor and I like pergo floor better. Then, I noticed that there was this huge eight-foot wide square hole in the middle of the second floor, I thought it was quite bizarre while looking at it, but then I somehow just shrugged it off and said that it should be fine with me. With this affordable price it was just a little compromise and some minor inconvenience!

Then the scene changed, I clearly remembered that I fell asleep in that house. Then suddenly I noticed there was a shadow or some entity lurking and it was trying to drag me out of my bed. I was fearful and momentarily I floated out of my bed and swirling back and forth in the room. After several seconds, I somehow commanded myself to float out of the window, immediately I was outside and saw huge maple trees bursting with beautiful yellow and red leaves around. Then I proceeded to float onto the top of the office building.

The next excursion, I was floating on top of ancient stone houses, the road was not built with concrete, but with round shaped stones. I saw ordinary people wearing black, gray or off white clothes and individual village shops dotted below. The unusual scene was that it was all black and white, no color. It was as if I was stepping into black and white moving photos. All the time that I was floating, I heard a deep monotonous chant accompanying my float. It reminded me of a choir from monks in the monastery. With that, I thought to myself, " It is time to see god".

I urged myself to float again. With my intention to see god, I floated upward this time, and I was in the middle of open space, suddenly my alarm clock was blaring off. I was quite annoyed and thought I would drop out of the sky. But instinctively I reached out of my hand to turn off the alarm and I was awaken to my normal senses. I was disappointed that I did not complete my mission.
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Ever since I have selected my thesis of "Unconscious World of Dream - A Jungian Perspective", I have been trying to induce more dreams for my study. But, either my motivation was not strong enough, or I have trouble remembering my dreams. For the past two months, there were many futile attempts. Since I set my date of completion unrealistically at mid February, I have to at least get started if only just mentally preparing it.

For this morning's dream-converted-astral travel experience to happen, I had exerted tremendous amount of effort. I purposely went to bed 11:00 pm and set alarm to go off on 4:30 am, that got me plenty of sleep, and then half an hour's focus 10 exercise followed by 40 minutes meditation. So, the last time I went back to sleep was 5:45. My alarm was set to go off by 6:30 am. I know that 45 minutes might not be enough time for lucid dreaming induction, but I was willing to give it a try. After all, I need time to prepare for work.

Here are my dream analysis:

---There were several scenarios that could have prompted my awareness of incongruous nature of the dream scenery but I vaguely sensed their oddity, but did not question its validity. One of them is my remembering of my pergo floor at home, and the other is the strange big hole in the middle of the second floor. The dream signs were waving and flashing but I clearly ignored and rationalized them away. That goes to say that I need to train myself to recognize the illogical occurrences.

---I was not surprised with the shadow figure. When I first had my astral travel experiences beginning at 2003, I often sensed a force or an entity squeezing the top of my head so hard that I thought I will be crushed to death. But when that happened, I floated out of it and in a sense my consciousness needed a kick out of my body. As time went by, the floating got a lot easier. Sometimes, it was just a breeze flow around my forehead and out I went in seconds! Having no OB experience in two months, I guess a little dragging out was needed.

---For most of OB experience, I let it happen to me. I did not direct where I wanted to go. Even though I was not successful this time, at least I commanded my float and set an intention for what I wanted to do, in this case, the association of monk's chant with wanting to see god.

Tidal Force

The year 2006 is rapidly coming to a close. A year of one major change in my personal life but a year of quite stationary condition in my inner world. Basically I am trying to lift up myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually in the midst of those unforgiving tidal force of event. I admit these family feud did get into my skin from time to time but I absolutely certain that nothing that happens is truly random. There is a reason and lesson for whatever happens and I am not apologetic about it.

Retrospectively a year ago to be exact, I have in my blog page describing life as a theater that we, as actor/actress playing many roles in the saga of life. As long as the curtain is unfolded, we have an obligation to play our part well, that also include our scripted role as a villain that is most unpopular to be certain but may be necessary of our consciousness evolution.

In my inner world, I have not engaged in too much external gadgets like I did before. I come to my senses that I will continue cultivating the discipline for meditation and working on my metaphysical study. There is indeed no vacuum in my self development, I have a great sense of joy in my reading and my contemplating. I am steadily climbing the rungs of ladder, at time may be faltering and out of balance, but in a rare moment, luck may strike I will gain wonderful realization and catch a glimpse of our eternal nature. Yes, life is truly a great school beyond theatrical proportion.

A Season of Giving

"What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace." -- Agnes M. Pharo

A Carbon Copy

The other night when I was meditating about twenty minutes into the session, I had a vision or rather a reflection of my long lost memory of more than ten years....
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I was shopping in a local supermarket, I had finished shopping and waited on the check out line. There was a long waiting line on the check out counter. I saw, to my amazement, me walking into the store. It was unmistakably me, a carbon copy of me walking into the store. I said to myself, "my God, that is me" How could it be possible? I felt like to approach that person, but unfortunately, I was in the middle of the check out line and there was no way to pull things out and run after that person since I have waited for so long. However, I made a mental note to look out for that person next time around.
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Many weeks after that, every time I shop in that supermarket, I will carefully look around and see if I can find that person again, but to no avail, I had never seen her since then. It was rather disappointing! So, I completely forgot about that instant for many years until a few days ago when I was meditating!

Meditation sometimes will flash some long lost memories in the profound stilled state. It may not mean anything in and of itself. In my case of remembering the past event, I don't think there is any significance other than that this surface of forgotten memory is a normal course of meditative practice.

If we want to use meditation as a mental clearing process, the flash back could sometimes stir up unsettling mental attitudes and disturbing images. This gives a meditator an opportunity to acknowledge the somewhat unpleasant memories and release them if one so inclines to break the bondage of the hidden past.

Persevere, Brother, Persevere!

I seem to have gone through a period of spiritual void. For more than a month now, my meditative session was short and uneventful. I often stopped my meditation after half an hour's practice feeling inadequate and just plain frustrated and ended giving up all together. Deep inside I felt I did not have a good and solid connection with my inner self, and it was just such a waste of time.

However, I am longing for mind travel experiences and I could not stop thinking and hoping almost every night. There are many spiritual experiences seem to happen when we are least expected. Every time I have a special vivid dream or mind travel experience, I will be beaming with happiness several days or weeks afterwards. Most of the mundane daily grind seems to be much more tolerable. It is as if I was temporarily transported to a different realm and witnessed the magical power of the mind. At time, I will be nostalgia of what have transpired in that eternal moment.

I have just gained a better control of my meditation several days ago after a month's fruitless struggle. Spiritual progress is like a zig zag winding road, there are times that we feel that the road that we traverse is about to reach a dead end but as we come closer, a tiny turn is just around the corner. May be that tiny turn could turn into six-lane speedway for all we know. So, my advice to myself, persevere!!

Water - Our Source of Life Force Energy

Several years ago, I read a book "The Hidden Messages in Water" from Masuro Emoto. This is an "eye opener". Water, the very essence of our being, is the essential ingredient of life. In fact, without water, there will be no life, let alone human. But most of us take it for granted without any appreciation or acknowledgement of its importance.

However, Mr. Emoto has done research of how our simple thought can actually influence the structure of water molecule. Using high-speed photography, he has captured many photos that demonstrated that water can reflect the consciousness level individually or collectively as a species.

When water was in the presence of good thought, positive energy, classical music, or a simple appreciation, and love, the water showed beautiful, symmetrical crystalline patterns that was breathtakingly wonderful.

But when water was exposed to hateful thought, negative energy, heavy metal music, or unpleasant cursed words, the structure became asymmetrical, incoherent, deformed and just plain ugly.

Why is it important to keep positive thought at all time? A good 75 % of our human body contains water, if we constantly think negative thought, we are actually instilling an incoherent and destructive force to the water molecule inside of us. If nutrients carrying blood cells are immersed in that merky, deformed water, then we eventually will have a diseased body to deal with.

Another interesting discovery from Masuro Emoto was that when water was blessed by a Buddhist monk, the water molecule showed a perfect structure of pattern so it resonanted at a higher level of frequency. Come to think of it, the Christian ritual of saying a prayer of blessing before the meal makes a lot of sense, it shows our appreciation for the bountiful food God provides us. Whether you are Christian or not, I think we all can use this approach to energize our food. We can bless the water we drink, the food we eat, so that it brings in higher frequency of vibration to increase health and elevate our consciousness.

Fighting for Dear Life - The Untold Story of Terri Schiavo

This story is engrossing, touching and absolutely heart breaking. The reader is about to be taken to the incredible ride of this insurmountable mountain moving acts over life and death helping Terri to stay alive. The saddest is that in the end Terri Schiavo was removed of her feeding tube on March 18, 2005 by the order of Florida Court despite the frenzied and exhausted efforts of her attorney, she was left starving and dehydrating to death, and died twelve days later as we all have remembered.

David Gibbs, her attorney took us into the midst of ugly and unforgiving legal battle, the outcome of it could potentially affect all of us when we will someday approach vulnerable advancing age. A book that once you get started, you will not want to put down until you finish reading it. The author, David Gibbs not only compassionately defended Terri's life every step of the way, he also painstakingly give us thorough analysis of this court decision from legal standpoint, and also from the viewpoint and framework of social, medical and moral implication.

The most beneficial part of the book for the readers is the section giving readers some
suggestions of how to protect ourselves in time of crisis. Giving the complexity of modern living, these advice are quite educational and absolutely priceless.

The issue of a person's worth living or not because of medical diagnosis of becoming "PVS" (Persistent Vegetative State) is controversial to say the least. I firmly believe that even if a person is temporary in PVS state, it does not mean a person is completely without consciousness. They hear and they understand, it just that they can not cognitively express or control their motor function, therefore for the naked eye, it seems they are unresponsive. We should not judge a person's state of being purely based on our observation through five physical senses.

Human or any living thing are like tip of an iceberg, we don't truly know a person's state of being solely by their outward expression. We are more than meets the eye. You will see in the book, the author has compiled many miraculous living proof cases throughout the US. to demonstrate that human brain is remarkably resilient, it is far beyond present day scientific or medical community's comprehension.

Anyone who is interested in an insightful good read, will find this book profoundly challenging of our belief system to the core. A woman was starved and dehydrated to death at the hand of our own justice system only because she was disabled! Can you believe this actually happened in the United States of America where the nation's founding principle of beliefs are liberty and justice for all? !

For One More Day - Mitch Albom

Mitch Albom, the author of " The Five People You Meet in Heaven" just published another new book " For One More Day". A good companion for living.

A tiny little book that you can finish reading it in just a few hours. The story was sad and yet familiar. It was a portrait of our worldly existence, the dramas that convey the feeling of love, triumph, happiness, humiliation, disappointment and betrayal. Isn't this what life all about? This is the story of millions. I bet no one that read the book will not have agreed with the author and said "yes, we have been there, but in a different scenarios".

Sometimes I doubt what the Metaphysicist would have hypothesized about the love of almighty God. They also claimed that we are perfect and we are immortal in a different dimension. I will from time to time buy into this wholesale spirituality. But then again, the world does not function from those assumptions. What I don't understand is that, if we are already perfect and immortal, why bother coming down to earth and go through these endless merry-go-round experiences? Why ego need to learn to be perfect? Ego belongs to us living on earth, and can not be perfect. It is obvious that everyone of us has our unique perspective of life, and it can not be any other way.

In the story of "For One More Day", it was only after he committed suicide, and waited for God's verdict of his living or dying that he was revealed the truth of little secrets in his family. The secrets would eventually set him free from all the years' agony and pain. He was shown the truth only when he was on the verge of transition to the other side. It was a life review and truth revelation process encountered by many in their so called (NDE) near death experience.

I hope we don't have to die to know the secret. I hope we discover and realize the truth every day. It is a wonderful book.

Like attract Like!

I am very excited to take on reading C. G. Jung's autobiography again. I must have devoured the book quickly without deep contemplation a year ago that I don't remember what I had read. It is as if this is the first time I read it. While Carl Jung recollected his childhood memories, I found my mind drifting off to my own distant past.

About twenty years ago, I worked in a small company at Temple City. There was a lady sat next to me, her name is Terry Miller. She had the kind of attitude that was arrogant and irritable. I sensed that most of the colleague there were quite tolerate of her. I felt uneasy working with this person. To be honest, she frightened me sometimes. Two months after I worked at this company, I had a strange happening that was unsettling.

One morning I took my son to kindergarten. At the time, I had Ford Tempo, a not too reliable car, but again I was not a very reliable person either. My left rear view mirror was missing, I meant to fix it a while ago, but just never got around to it. I was in a hurry and I could not see very well the distance between the cars in the left lane and it's relationship to my car because of the missing mirror, I took a big risk switching my car to the left lane. As soon as I did that, I heard a terrible engine squeaking sound and a loud crashing impact of my car with a big truck. I was terrified. We both stopped our car in the middle of the street.

A woman with short hair and looked like Terry Miller furiously got out of the truck, started pointing, cursing at me with all the four letter words that she could muster. I was completely numb and terrorized. She called and soon her uncle arrived. She was crying and cursing all over again. Finally policeman showed up. We exchanged the name and insurance company info, and to my horror, her name I found out was Terry Miller, exactly the same name as the person at my work. How could it possible that a woman looked like Terry Miller will have exactly the same name, same rotten attitude, crashing my car in this miserable morning? This was very mysterious indeed!

Years later, I will realize that there is a universal law of like attract like. Whatever we thought of constantly, manifest. I must have been worried and fearful of my work environment often for this to happen. When I was back to my office, I never mentioned that instance to her even after we had warmed up to a better relationship.

I guess it does not pay to be negative in any situation, and I should have fixed that rear view mirror long before the incident. Perhaps there would not have been an accident if I had mindfully done that. It all boils down to being responsible for what one has to do in daily living.

Medicine Buddha Dharma Service

Hsi-Lai Temple, Hacienda Heights, CA







This morning I attended year 2006 Medicine Buddha Dharma Service in Hsi-Lai Temple. This was a historical event for me. I had set foot to this Temple every once in a long while when I had some favors to ask from the Gods. I heard the Sutra Chanting every time I visited, but I always brushed it aside as a very superstitious ritual. Something that is kind of beneath me, of course not in an arrogant sense.

Last week, I had consulted the priest in the Temple regarding the possible arrangement of Buddhist Monk's chant in the event of my father's transition. She recommended me to come this weekend to join the service. I promised I will do that for my father, but I was really just want to donate some money and to exchange for the Buddha's chanting and blessing service. I never intended to stay longer than half an hour given the fact that weekends are my favorite days off and I did not want to waste in trivial activities.

As I continue to read "The Seven Storey Mountain" knowing that prayer and chanting are a major part of monastic life, and how Thomas Merton always gained a great sense of communion in a choir, I decided to attend the service from beginning to the end all together about three hours. I was also partly influenced by my sister when she last visited a few months ago. She shared with us her chanting experience.

I was not familiar with the procedure, but there were nuns going about giving us a pointer or two. The translated Sanskrit words were quite odd and difficult to pronounce, so I more or less focused on the soothing chant that filled the air in the Temple. For some unknown reason, I wept and was completely overtaken by the immense power of the chant. For several minutes, I could not stop shedding my tears. I felt as if I was pouring out my life long sorrow in that instant. Eventually, I got hold of myself and started to follow the chanting and prostrated myself humbly to the beautiful smily Buddhas. Deep inside I said to my self, I will bring Buddha home to my heart and to my soul.

Seven Storey Mountain - Thomas Merton

Thomas Merton and the Dalai Lama, 1968








I first heard Thomas Merton's name this past summer when I read "My life with the Saints". The author elaborated several Catholic saints that he admired dearly. One of them is Thomas Merton, a Trappist Monk who died on an accident at his prime of 53 years old. When he wrote his autobiography of "The Seven Storey Mountain", he was only 33 years old.

I had preconceived notion that a person of only 33 years old can not possibly be too philosophical in his thinking, and definitely will not have enough life experience to impart his wisdom to the world. I first resisted reading it, but the autobiography was highly acclaimed, and was life changing for many. Since I borrowed the book from my local library, I might as well give it a chance.

Embedded in his ordinary childhood and sensual youthful adolescence, there was a soul beckoning to break out of the worldly existence. He was led mysteriously to the shrines, the churches of Rome for a time. He was in awe, and came away with a great sense of peace and joy. Those experiences were short, temporary and quickly forgotten, but they could have built a foundation for his life changing decision of being a Monk. It is a matter of gradual remembrance of what is essential of living one's life. There were reflection of his own behaviors and he was aware of the fact that this century of materialistic abundance molded most of us to be extrovert, self seeking and self indulgent in all of our five physical senses. It took a great soul in such a young age to have this magnificent realization of the truth. I remember when I was at that age I thought spirituality was for old folks and for people with blind faith, and I will have no part of it.

I am reading his autobiography just about half way through. The transformation from extremely anti-Catholicism to secretly fascinated of Jesuits' ascetic, self restraining life style set the stage of his vocation. The journey itself is very humanly subtle, as the saying goes, God writes straight with crooked lines. There was no booming voice from God commanding his life changing decision. In a slightest twist we all can relate to his inner journey.

Besides bringing spiritual inspiration to the world , Thomas Merton was extraordinarily brilliant and funny in his writing. It is a literary masterpiece.

PS. There was actually a voice prompting him to become a Catholic, not exactly a booming one but quite insistent nonetheless.

My Thesis Title: Unconscious World of Dream - A Jungian Perspective

During last week, I was diligently searching for my thesis topic. Since then I have switched gear by narrowing down the type of topic I can present in my thesis. Instead of exploring the metaphysical concept, which is quite illusive and subjective, I have decided to take on the subject of unconscious world of dream from the perspective of Jungians Dream psychology.

During summer of year 2005, I took an interest in reading Carl Jung's autobiography of Memories, Dreams and Reflections. It was a fascinating read and I felt I have some kind of kinship with Carl Jung's work. In his autobiography, he recorded several of his own mystical spiritual experiences that was quite transforming for him. The fact that he was trained as a medical doctor, and yet he never discounted his own inner world as whimsical or fanciful, he opened himself to a new vista of inner experiences of his soul.

I myself have recorded many dreams and mind travel experiences in this journal, but I have never tried to interpret its meaning or its significance. Instead, I was fascinated with the creative dream scenarios that my unconscious mind was able to produce without input from my conscious mind. There lies a collective unconscious of human psyche shared with all humanity which transcend race, gender or social status. It is a cosmic reservoir of knowledge and wisdom called akashic record that can be accessed by all of us.

Carl Jung's theory of dream psychology is very well established in modern psychology, in fact my metaphysical study presented quite a few of Carl Jung's psychological work. I am passionate about the dream work, and I also have some personal experiences. So, I have decided the title of my thesis "Unconscious World of Dream, a Jungian perspective". This thesis will consist of 5,000 words and has a very strict format of presentation. I now tentatively set a completion date of mid February of year 2007.

In Search of a Subject for Thesis

I have been searching the topic of thesis for my Master Degree of Metaphysical Sciences. I need a topic that is mysterious in nature, non-fiction, is metaphysical but also have the quality of verifiable scientific evidence, meaning it has substantial volume of researched material available
in existence. Lucid dream or astral travel will not do because they are too subjective, and there is no scientific way to verify the existence of the experience. Any kind of personal metaphysical experience is not quantifiable and measurable therefore it can not be used as a subject for my Thesis.

So, I need something that can be captivating to the imagination of human kind, but also fascinating enough to generate a sense of excitement and exploration not only to the westerners but also for all mankind. So, the search continues....

I have studied various kinds of Divination systems in my Metaphysical courses, but to be proficient in any of them requires many years of experience and practice. They can not be mastered in three months. Astrology is completely out of my reach. Reincarnation has been very well documented but I have no personal experience therefore any research I do will be rehash of Dr. Ian Stevenson's work. Reiki healing is becoming popular among new age spirituality, but I have not received any training on it.

As far as Yoga, I am a student of Self-Realization fellowship, a foundation built by Sri Yogananda back in 1940's. The particular branch of Yoga taught by Sri Yogananda is Kriya Yoga. In order to receive Kriya Yoga teaching, I need to have fundamental training for one year before I will be qualified to receive Kriya Yoga. So, I can't say that I know much of Kriya Yoga yet. Let's see... Hypnosis, Channeling are not my cup of tea, as to meditation and aura viewing, I am still in the process of learning the ins and outs. So, I will have to search some more....